This is everything that’s wrong with marketing today

I picked up a package of gum the other day and noticed the copy on the box. It read “Trident – Fuse it up! Chew the sweet pieces with the sour pieces and you’ve created a fusion of flavor that’s all your own!”

OK. Wait a minute. What the hell does that mean? Do I want to “Fuse it up!”? I don’t think so. I just want some gum. I don’t want my own “fusion of flavor”. Who writes this meaningless claptrap? Some highly paid marketing guy or advertising agency I’m guessing.

Good marketing and promotion has nothing to do with meaningless slogans or mindless concepts. Did Trident think that I would read that garbage and have an overwhelming urge to “create a fusion of flavor that’s all my own!”?

So I just tried the gum. There was a burst of flavor that lasted about thirty seconds. What they didn’t tell me is that, after this burst of flavor, the “fusion” I experienced was the worst aftertaste I’ve ever experienced. Apparently, this is the “Fuse it up!” part of the product experience. No more fusing it up for me.